A few nights ago, I had dinner with one of the people from my atheist discussion group.  A former Catholic (like me), this person described for me her gradual journey from a schoolgirl frightened of God and his prophecies of hell and destruction to a now rather elderly woman totally committed to life and the present moment and thoroughly unafraid to die.  She has, she said, written off God.  For her, life is better without him.
     Before she came to this point, this person told me, she decided to read the Bible.  She didn't get far.  After reading the numerous instances of God's vengeful attitudes toward the enemies of Israel, and his seemingly unremitting desire to kill off anyone who didn't believe in him, she concluded, "I'm more moral than God."
     Unfortunately, she has a point.  The Hebrew Bible overflows with stories of what seem to be divine cruelty, historical moments in which God commands the decimation of everyone--man, woman, and child--who does not believe in him or who is opposed to his chosen nation, Israel.  Even the most devout of believers must acknowledge that these are indeed difficult passages of scripture, not amendable to pleasant interpretation.
     I suggested to this person that, given these accounts, we might conclude that it's far easier to not believe in God than to believe in him.  Faith will always be an ambiguous experience.  It's fraught with tension.  It is not something we can wrap neatly in a box.
     But that's the point.  Yes, it is easier to not believe in God.  We resolve, or so we think, all our epistemological concerns.  On the other hand, we have every reason to believe.  The world is ambiguous and, in many ways, so is God.  That's why we need faith. Faith recognizes the ambiguity of the world, faith acknowledges the ambiguity of God. Faith doesn't ignore life's uncertainties.  It embraces them.
     Faith is the challenge of knowing that recognizes life for what it is:  the greatest of all epistemological challenges.
     It's hard to escape the fact of God.